Should I accept that invite to meet-up with friends again? That concert ticket is tempting, but being with hundreds of people indoors, is that a good idea right now? And what about letting my kids go back to school after such a long lay-off – will they be safe?
Feeling anxiety about social situations, such as meeting or speaking to people, existed long before the pandemic arrived. But the events of the last 18 months or so have limited our exposure to engaging with others in person. To some extent, our reticence to interacting with others may be due to our simply being out of practice.
It stands to reason that as things gradually open-up again, we’re bound to feel some discomfort about being in social situations. After all, COVID is still an issue, still causing sickness and claiming lives. But shops and public places are reopening. Schools too. And now there’s more questions to add to the mix, such as just how long does the vaccine last and, if everyone who I’m with is vaccinated, do I still need to wear a mask?
You may well be asking how can anyone live like they mean it in the face of such uncertainty? There’s no easy answer as we’re all different, but employing the four steps I outline in my books to your daily life can help you manage and move through the anxious feelings and find your way.
Emotional mindfulness can be an effective treatment for social anxiety.
As I explain in my book Loving Like You Mean It:
Emotional mindfulness is about paying attention to our present moment experience in an accepting, non-judgmental manner… focusing on our unfolding experience—sensing, observing, and allowing—without having to change it or respond to it in any particular way. It is about accepting what is and allowing it to be.
In the first of my four steps — Recognize and Name — I talk about the importance of identifying when our fears have been triggered. Some common signs include muscle tension, increased heart rate, and shallow breathing, all of which denote the onset of a threat response. If you experience these or some of the other anxiety symptoms when, for example, taking your child to school or during a first visit to a local store, it’s vital to recognize and turn toward your emotional reaction. That’s the first step in being able to manage and work through it. You can start by giving what you’re feeling a name that can help to clarify what’s happening to you (e.g, “I’m feeling triggered, activated, anxious…” and, by doing so, take the edge off.
Next, we can Stop, Drop and Stay which is the second of the four steps. When fear strikes, things tend to move in fast-forward. We can be bombarded by a rush of thoughts and physical sensations. Slowing down stretches the space between stimulus and response and, thus, gives you time to do something different. In other words, it gives the thinking part of our brain some time to weigh in.
It’s also important to shift our attention inward, to what’s happening in our bodies, so we can connect and work with what’s happening inside of us. By doing so, we give ourselves a chance to stay with and get the most out of our emotions rather than rushing by them which only perpetuates our suffering. It’s essential to give yourself time to move past your anxiety and understand what’s happening more deeply inside yourself. To understand your core feelings and make the most out of them. That’s the essence of step three – Pause and Reflect. And finally, Mindfully Relating to others is step four, which enables us to more easily express ourselves, our wants, needs, and desires, so that what can move forward in a more constructive way.
Repeated experiences in small doses—little and often—is what builds strong neural pathways in our brains.
Ultimately, overcoming anxiety in all its forms enables us to rewire our brains, a subject that’s a major focus of my books. Only by facing our fears and not running from them do we create opportunities that have the power to update our neural software and, thus, enhance our capacity to have healthier more fulfilling lives
