Using the Breath to Ease Distress

Mindfulness exercises, in which we shift our focus to our here-and-now sensory, emotional experience, can help us become unblended with our distress, connect with our core Self and feel more grounded.

By intentionally focusing on a neutral aspect of our experience (for instance, what we’re seeing, hearing, smelling, etc.), we send a message to our amygdala that we’re safe. We relax the charge in our nervous system and free ourselves up so that we can do something different.

Focusing on the breath, a common practice in meditation, can be calming in situations when we’re feeling anxious or distressed. When we breathe in a slow, measured way, the vagus nerve, the main channel of the parasympathetic nervous system, gets activated and the nervous system as a whole comes into balance. For that reason, any activity in which we regulate our breathing can be a powerful resource for calming ourselves.

One breathing exercise that I like and use a lot with my clients employs what’s referred to as “resistance breathing.” It involves using friction to slow the flow of air and slightly increase the pressure in our lungs which, in turn, activates the calming part of our nervous system and slows us down. Research shows that slowing our exhale is the most powerful way to activate our parasympathetic nervous system which helps calm our mind and body.

Breathing Exercise
First, think of a moment or an issue that may be causing you to feel activated and distressed. We’re going to come back to this during the meditation.

Now, get comfortable. Settle into a relaxed position. Feel yourself grounded in your chair and by the surface below you.

Find your breath within your body and practice mindfulness of breathing for a moment. Try to put aside all thoughts of what’s been troubling you and focus inward on your breath.

Breathe in through your nose, purse your lips, and slowly exhale. Do this several times.

Then bring attention to your heart region. If you wish, place your hand over your heart, as this is another way to calm your nervous system. And, as you feel the warmth of your hand, it also feels comforting.

Find your breath in your heart region and begin to practice mindfulness of breathing. Feel your chest move as you breathe.

Release your attention to your breath and recall whatever it was that was making you angry, distressed, or sad.

Notice what happens inside of you. Notice if you are feeling any emotions. It’s not necessary to know precisely which emotion you are experiencing, or why you are experiencing it. Just knowing that you are feeling something is enough. There is space for all of your feelings – those that bother you and those that bring you comfort.

Now, expand your awareness to your body for a while. As you recall the emotion, scan your body for any sensations. Where do you feel them the most? In your mind’s eye, scan your body from head to toe, stopping where you sense tension or discomfort.

Now, choose a single location in your body where the feeling expresses itself most strongly. In your mind, incline gently toward that spot. Continue to breathe naturally, allowing the sensation to be there, just as it is. If you wish, place your hand over the spot that feels activated as you continue to breathe. Allow the gentle, rhythmic motion of the breath to soothe your body, to allow the tension to ease, to feel it moving through you.

If you feel overwhelmed by an emotion, stay with your breath until you feel better and then return to the feeling. Keep doing that until things start to shift. It may not happen right away. You might have to come back to it at another time. But each time you do, you’re working the process of feeling more integrated. You’re taking care of yourself and you’re helping your emotional process to constructively move forward.

Then, when you feel ready, return your attention to your breath. And, as you do, you might ask yourself something like, “What was that like? What did I notice? What did I discover about myself?”

Clarity may not come right away. It could take time. But keep working at it. Our system is inherently wired to move toward what’s good, what’s healthy, what’s healing.

And, when you’re ready, begin to move your attention back to the room, listening to the sounds around you, and begin to open your eyes.
Regulating our anxiety is especially important when our distress is getting the best of us. We need to be able to calm the energy around our core feelings so that we can see them more clearly. Then, we can begin to tap into the wisdom of our feelings to harness their energy and find out what they’re telling us to do. This clarity will illuminate how best to move forward.

Feeling some degree of anxiety is likely to be something we have to get used to going forward. Whether it’s too much anxiety, or not enough, our task is to find a way to lean into our emotional experience, work our growing edge in a way that feels manageable, and to know that anxiety is only one part of our experience. We can also feel strength, clarity, and, when we remind ourselves of the commonality of our experience, we can find a sense of community.

Remember that the point of this exercise is not to calm ourselves so we can be on our merry way. We’re simply trying to loosen up our distress just enough so that we can more easily shift our attention and be with our emotional experience from a more centered place. That we can move through our difficult feelings and make room for the full range of feelings inside of us that include our truth, our empathy, our resilience, fortitude, and our humanity. That is the work that brings real change and healing.

And as you do, know that I’m doing the same. Remember, we’re in this together. Keep working the process, connect with your deepest Self, and eventually, find your invincible summer.