This is the eleventh in a series of articles where I take a look at key words and phrases that play an important role in the work I do, helping people discover ways to live and love like they mean it.
In part 10 we explored J for Joy and you can read the article here.
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When it comes to wellbeing, simplicity is key. But sometimes keeping things simple can be surprisingly difficult. That’s when we need reminders and encouragement. Here, I share a few tips about how you can use simplicity to benefit your health and wellbeing.
Verbalizing Feelings and Needs
Using the term “I” whenever we are trying to share how we feel or what we need with someone is often beneficial. Short, direct phrases such as “I feel happy,” or “I feel sad,” or “I’m getting angry,” convey a lot of information about our emotional experience, leaving those around us in no doubt about what is going on for us.
Saying these simple phrases is different from saying something like “I feel that my life is in a mess.” That’s a more complicated statement and isn’t actually saying anything about how we feel. It’s describing a thought or perspective, and many of us often confuse them with feelings.
Most times when we say “I feel that…” or “I feel like…” we’re sharing a thought, opinion or judgment, rather than what we’re truly feeling. Using simple adjectives like angry, sad, guilty, happy, or excited, and trying to limit ourselves to just two or three words (“I’m angry”) is a far more effective and accurate way to describe our current state.
Naming Our Feelings
Giving each of our feelings a name can take the fear out of experiencing them. Making the name a simple one that’s easy to remember means that when we are activated, we can say to ourselves something along the lines of “hello, here’s [e.g, my anger, sadness, fear, etc. NAME] again. I hear you.”
Research by psychologist Matthew Lieberman shows that attaching an accurate label to an emotional experience calms down our amygdala, the part of our brain that signals danger, helping to regulate our nervous system which puts us in a better position to think about how to best manage the situation we find ourselves in.
Practicing Emotional Mindfulness
Getting into the habit of using emotional mindfulness to help us handle the stresses and hassles of life shouldn’t feel like a chore or homework. It should be simple. We don’t need to set aside a lot of time every day to make it happen. We can be emotionally mindful anytime, anywhere by slowing down or ideally stopping for a moment and checking in with ourselves – tuning into our bodies.
3 Simple Exercises To Try
1. Thoughts Versus Feelings
When you’re trying to identify how you feel, if you can substitute the word “think” for the word “feel” and it still makes sense, it’s likely you’re expressing an opinion or thought, not a feeling.
For example, saying “I feel that I’m being treated unfairly,” also works if you say “I think that I’m being treated unfairly.” Both statements express a thought or opinion without saying anything about how you truly feel about being treated unfairly. So keep it simple, avoid “that” and “like,” and you’re more likely to hit the nail on the head.
2. Breathing Tool
When you’re feeling anxious or afraid, place your hand on your belly in the area below your rib cage. Breathe in slowly through your nose. Let the breath go all the way down into your abdomen (your hand will rise if you are doing this correctly).
Pause for a moment after fully breathing in and then slowly exhale, allowing your body to let go.
Repeat this several times, allowing your breath to freely go deeper and deeper while encouraging yourself to relax and focus on your bodily and emotional experience.
3. No/Yes
This is a super simple exercise in which you just need to say two words and notice how they make you feel. It helps to illustrate when we’re in a defensive or receptive state. We want to be in the latter when we’re sharing our feelings with others.
The first word is “No”. Say it out loud in a harsh tone seven times and see how you feel in your body.
Then take a breath and let it go and in a kind and soothing tone of voice say “Yes” seven times. Again, notice how saying this feels in your body. Then pause and note your observations before taking a breath and letting go.
The importance of simplicity to wellbeing cannot be overstated. So when life gets complicated, just step back, take a moment to explore what’s going on for you and simply be with whatever is there for you at that time. With regular practice, doing so when you are agitated or activated will become second nature, and sets you up to be able to move forward in a healthier way.
